leene_chan | My brain......

It's been feeling tired lately.

I always seem to be studying or practicing something....I can't seem to let myself rest for a minute. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm one of those people who relieves stress by remaining active. ^___^ I seem to be doing a lot of walking lately, trying to fight off the tension and excitement of the holiday season. I both like it and don't like it. I wonder how disappointing it's all going to be once January rolls around?

All right, that made absolutely no sense. -_-;;....

But sometimes I really do enjoy keeping the house clean. I'm not saying I'd like that to be my chosen career or anything....-_-;;.....I just.....think that the environment can play a very important part in people's mental health. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an interior decorator. (Of course, I later learned that you have to be good at math for that job, and I'm borderline retarded there, heh heh).

Umm.....is this going anywhere? I wish I knew. For some reason, whenever I'm "brain-tired" I feel better after I type a long treatise on a pointless topic. Urgh.....

Sometimes I wish I could go back to college and "do it all over." I never could decide what I wanted to do with myself. It wasn't that I didn't have any interests; I had too many. Even now I can't resign myself to the fact that I majored in English and have to focus on writing. I wish I could've done psychology instead, or Japanese. I wish I was good at the subjects I did poorly in. Sometimes I feel like I have so much energy when it comes to learning new things that I need to live several lifetimes in order to satisfy myself. Or maybe rent out other people's lifetimes? ^_^;;......::urgh::....::scratches the walls:: I feel so maladjusted, because even though I went to school to be an "intellectual" there's a big part of me that disdains "scholarly pursuits" for being impractical, and selfish. Maybe it's because I'm a woman in a chauvinistic household? ^_^;;....I'm in love with things like libraries and museums, and I do prefer to be alone some of the time, but at the same time I think that if I were to devote myself to being "artistic" or "intellectual" I'd be depriving the people I care about of their basic needs. And I do enjoy taking care of people.

Gragh....I took a test once to find out my tarot alignment. I don't know how much stock I place in that kind of thing, but I do find it interesting. It said I was most compatible with the High Priestess. I wonder if my ambivalence has anything to do with the reversed High Priestess not being able to come to terms with the two sides of her personality? ^___^;;....

I'm not that into astrology, but it's interesting.

I hope I don't have many more of these "self-exploratory" posts! I'm sure most people would find them pretty boring!